Perception

When I was at my heaviest I avoided cameras. I had to look in mirrors to put my makeup on but I never really 'saw' myself. Denial is a powerful thing. In my mind, I wasn't obese. I never thought of myself in those terms. I really didn't. If someone was very sneaky and snapped a picture of me, I almost never recognized myself. Who is that fat person? Is that me? Huh, must have been a bad angle or something. A few years ago, I was walking in a strip mall and I saw a reflection in the glass. I thought, 'wow, that person is really heavy' and then I turned around to see them and there was no one there but me. Isn't it funny how we perceive things?

So we put our pool up today in the backyard. Just a little above ground pool. We had to level the ground and all that. It was supposed to be 110 degrees out today. Did I mention I live in the Phoenix area? I am sunburned like you wouldn't believe! Anyway, as the pool was filling this afternoon I went searching for a bathing suit. Wouldn't ya know it? I got rid of them all. They were all too big! I went to Target to see if I could just find a basic suit. I walked in the door of Target and walked right passed the swim suits. I went all the way back to the 'women's' department. I saw all those 2-3-4XL suits and I was looking for my size. I can tell you I flipped through suits for about 5 minutes before I realized I shouldn't be in that section! I felt weird going back up to the front of the store to look at swim suits. Really. I thought someone was going to see me up there and tell me I shouldn't be there. I think I probably weigh now what I had envisioned when I was at my heaviest. But I see myself heavy now, when I didn't before? If that isn't just short of crazy, I don't know what is!